A Letter to my Future Self

·      Motherhood is hard. It is physically, emotionally and spiritually draining. I want to come as a relief to you. I want to bring you food, clean your house, do your laundry and care for the children when I come so that you can sleep, shop, read, or just enjoy your home without the worry of housework. I will be out of the stage of being needed 24/7 and want to lift that burden from you when I can. Like my mother said, “I can be tired for a night or two. I can sleep when I get home. You can’t.”

·      There are many paths to take in motherhood and yours will certainly change along the way as you grow and learn. There will be many voices, books, preachers, friends, and blogs telling you what to do and how to mother. Listen to your voice, your mama intuition. You will know what is best by trying, by praying, and by being the mama you are at that very moment. I want you to know that I will be there for you every step of the way. I will not judge what you are doing but enter into your sacred space as a mother who has walked before you and will gladly help if you want it. 

·      Your body is beautiful and in the meantime, I want to make sure you have clothes that fit.

·      Money is tight when you have children. When I am in town, I will pay for food and trips and really anything that I can. It will be a blessing to bless you.

·      If they bottle feed, offer to stay up and do the night feedings for them.

·      If they nurse, encourage her that it will get better. It is not always picture perfect right at first or ever but she can do it. It is work that is worth it.

·      I you see something that needs fixing in their house, fix it for them if they give permission. They are too tired to care about it or to fix it. I will not point it out and do nothing about it.

·      Babysit for them so they can have a date night. Treat them to that date night.

·      Spend time with the grandkids. They want your time, not your toys.

·      Make it as easy as possible for your children to come visit, especially when they have children (have baby gear, toys, buy diapers/wipes/formula/food for them, have a meal plan, fill up their car with gas), and thank them for coming and recognize all the effort it takes to travel anywhere with children.

·      Your daughter in law is not your daughter. Your family is new to her and you will never be her best friend or mother. Give her space and love on her the best you can. Do not take everything she does personally. Give her space to be the mama to her family and wife to your son. Your son loves her and that's why you'll love her too.

·      I must remember where your validation comes from - the lord! If I am looking for security in anything else (your spouse, your kids, your job, your body) I will be insecure and overly sensitive. I will be too concerned with yourself to serve your family.

·      I am the matriarch of your family. You set the tone for love, hospitality, and joy. Do not think that your time serving is over because your children are grown and "you've done your time." Christ served us until his death. It is our joy to serve our family.

·      When you go to visit you children, you are entering their space. Point out the positive things. Do not pick on the few things that could change. If they want help with their home, they will ask. Bring food when you come. It's a burden to stay with others even if they really want you there. Bring food, do laundry, change the sheets, be a blessing!

·      and of course, pray for her and your relationship with her. she is a sweet baby right now whose mama is rocking her, loving her, and hopefully telling her about Christ and the wonderful earthly man she will one day get to love. that earthly man is my son.