“On every level of life, from housework to heights of prayer, in all judgment and efforts to get things done, hurry and impatience are sure marks of the amateur.”― Evelyn Underhill
Hurray and impatience mark so many moments of my day so when I read this quote, I was discouraged. It’s official. I’m an amateur. Darn. I thought with four kids I could have at least moved up a ladder rung in the ranks. Nope. Within the first 30 minutes of the day, so many tiny tasks have already happened. Brush teeth, make coffee, cook breakfast, pour a glass of milk, change diapers, find socks, pack lunch. Oh, I hope I brushed my teeth. Hurry, get your shoes on. Hurray, go to the bathroom. Hurray, get into the car.
"Hurry up and wait. Hurry up and wait" my mom would say often on our last trip to Disney when Henry just couldn't understand why we would rush to get to a ride at a certain time and then stand in line. He was a smart kid even at 3. "That's just what you do here. You hurry up and wait." But I realized then and continue to see how much of life is like that. I'm moving quickly with lots of little tasks yet working for things to change that require incredible patience.
But what the hurrying doesn’t show is the juxtaposition of the snail speed patience of change that occurs during all those hurried days. The stubborn toddler to the obedient preschooler, the changed eating habits of a tired mama and deepening relationships with my spouse. A small deposit here, a decision there. They lead to something. They each take me somewhere.
In the hurried moment, I want what's easiest. I want the twins to not fight in the grocery store. I want to eat pizza and ice cream. I want to grow my business. If I'm hurrying through life to get to the result of my hurrying, will I be content with the outcome? So, instead of hurrying, I have tried to reduce my tasks, focus my time and be patient with change. But, somehow I still feel like an amateur. I spill my coffee on my jeans carrying out three bags to the car but arrive at preschool only to realize that I forgot the one bag I needed. I try to shower, put away laundry, and prep dinner all in the 30 minutes between lunch and nap time only to find Mills destroying the pantry. Does reducing responsibility really increase patience? No, I just don't think so. At least not for me.
But, I can change the condition of my heart. My circumstances right now are overwhelming. Little people with a lot of needs consume my day. I'm drawn back to a familiar scripture: "Be still and know that I am God." My body can be going in lots of directions but my heart can be still. I can be still and know that God is revealing himself to my family. I can know that those small decisions to not give in to the toddlers whining will pay off. I can teach and train my children, resist foods that will not offer lasting comfort, and invest in relationships and a business that will grow. It may be slow. It may be painfully slow. And I probably won't be able to see the change as I'm herding my crew to the car running late for my gym class with unbrushed hair only to forget my water bottle.
Those moments of haste don't prove my amateur status. In fact, it's thinking that those things do matter that makes me an amateur. Realizing my worth is not in how put together I am for gym class but how faithful I am to God that determines my position. And the more i plan and try to control my hurried life, the more I realize my position before Him should be bent in prayer. That's when my heart is still and I am confident of His care when "the days are long but the years are short." May my heart be still and know Gods deep care for me and my family.
I came across this prayer from https://heathercking.org/2016/02/17/prayers-for-families/ and found it helpful.
"Lord, may our homes be havens of peace. The world around us can be stressful and high-pressured. We may be surrounded by conflict, battles, and oppression outside this home, but we pray that inside these walls, You will bring peace. Help us to rest in You. Help us communicate with grace, offer love and support, and speak in love. Even in the stressful rush of the mornings as we head out the door to school, work, church and other activities, may we breathe deeply and choose peace, gentleness, and kindness with one another."
Scripture Verses:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid (John 14:27 NIV).
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid (John 14:27 NIV).
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NIV).
