Witnessing a Change

Recently, I attended my friend's labor and delivery as her doula. It was the first birth I had ever attended other than my own. Most people would say that to watch the birth of a child is miraculous and it certainly is, but what is just as beautiful is watching a woman become a mother and a husband become a father in seconds. The sheer joy that exuded my friend's face as her baby boy entered the world was beautiful.

I arrived to help her after she was already admitted to the hospital. Being one week passed her due date, she decided to be induced with pitocin. Later, an epidural was used to help with the pain and to offer rest. Both were successful and after laboring only a few hours, a precious new boy entered the world. I was reminded of the ultimate vulnerability of a laboring women and yet the powerful strength needed simultaneously in order to birth a child. It is the combination of release and power that makes laboring and delivery so hard yet so beautiful. It is those attributes that also beautify motherhood.

I was honored to breath through contractions, hold hands during the epidural, and count through the pushing in order to serve my friend. The definition of "doula" is a "woman's servant." The joy of serving a woman at this time is just that - a joy.

The Mandevilla Confession

Written by guest writer Beth Whiting, my dear friend and neighbor

I have the privilege of living next door to a wonderful friend who also has a son close in age to my daughter. We do almost everything together and it is a tremendous blessing. This summer we both wanted to spruce up our back yards, so we both bought mandevilla vines and put them in the corners near our fence. The only difference between the two plants is my neighbor’s vine has a pretty rod iron pole to grow up, while mine just wraps around the fence. The two plants seem to take turns doing well. Some weeks I look out the window to see beautiful blooms surrounding her corner of the fence, while my plant seems to be utterly fruitless. Then other weeks she comments on how beautiful my plant seems to be growing, and complains hers doesn’t seem to be doing anything. I am secretively envious when my plant has fewer flowers, so I vow to buy a rod iron pole the next time I’m out. Then, I become secretively proud when mine seems to have more growth than my neighbors, because mine is growing even without the added support. The funny thing is, I don’t even water this plant. If it does grow, I can’t take any credit for it. My question is if I am this way with a plant, then how soon is the day coming when I will do the same kind of comparison and analysis with my daughter against her peers? Lord, help me to not become envious or proud based on the performance of my child and children to come.

Related Scriptures:

Ecclesiastes 4:4 “And I saw that all labor and all achievement spring from man's envy of his neighbor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

Exodus 20:17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

1 Corinthians 3:7 “It is neither he who waters, nor he who plants, but God who brings the increase.”

A Harsh Reality

"The harsh realities of the inner city" is a phrase I use alot to describe what living in Church Hill is like and what my kids (CHAT kids/teenagers who become our family too) have to deal with. They are moving every year, family members are entering jail and parents are addicted to drugs. But, a harsh reality that many of my teenagers deal with is sheer terror and loniness. They are broken by their circumstances and feel trapped that there is no where or no one to turned to.

A somewhat newer participant of CHAT, Tanisha*, has felt that harsh reality of being so afraid of her potential circumstances that she was paralyzed to call out for help. Being 17 and the only one of her 7 siblings to make it to her junior year of high school, she felt the pressure of possibly not being able to finish. Waking up sick every morning, missing her period, and being incredibly tired made her think she was pregnant. She was terrified of the outcome. When I found out of her possible situation, I offered that we hang out for a few hours yesterday. We headed to Chick-fil-A and as she pushed her food around the tray, I asked her if she was OK. I quick "yes" and a turn of the head made me realize she of course, was not OK. I admitted to her that a friend of hers had shared her concern for being pregnant and that I was here to help. "I can't be, I can't be" Tanisha repeated over and over again.

And as tears fell down her face, I realized how deeply scared she was. Not just for her life plans going up in smoke but actual fear of something else. When I pushed further about what she was so afraid of, she admitted that the guy she was previously seeing and the possible father of the baby had ordered her to "take care of it and if she did not he would come over and beat the f**k out of her." When she explained to her that she would not "take care of it," he promised that he would "have his people surely take care of it for her." But, there was more than just fear on her face. Shame pervaded her demeanour of slouched shoulders and fallen face. As we tried to make a timeline of last period, when sex occurred, and when the nausea began, Tanisha described her sexual encounter. Even though protection through a condom was agreed upon to be used, the guy removed it half way through and would not put another one on. Tanisha allowed sex to continue. But, her demeanour showed me she did not even know she had the ability to stop it. What is going on that a seventeen year old girl feels she has no voice to say no, to demand respect, and to be heard. Is it the music that calls for sexuality at all times or the images of girls on television to demote us as only sexual bodies to be used by anyone at their pleasure. Of course, no one would call this rape but the anger whelping inside my heart suggested otherwise. Our society is rapping our teenagers. Tanisha consented to sex continuing but why? Was she so desperate for love and affection that she would allow a boy she was only "talking to" continue to use her only for his pleasure. What is missing? Where is her affection elsewhere that would compensate for this? She is a smart, beautiful and kind teenager who felt not only afraid of her pregnancy test outcome but afraid she would lose what little affection she was given. Our teenagers are growing up with no father to tell them they are beautiful, they are loved and they can wait for their husbands. If you have no father, you have no picture of waiting for a husband. What is that? My mother has no husband - only men that come and go as they please to make sure their needs are met.

There has to be a change, a drastic shift in society that reminds us of our value to God and to each other. That we are beautiful because He created us and our affections are only for Him. But, what inner city girl who has possibly never met their own father or who was abused by him, what to give their entire life over to a heavenly Father. How can they be so different? Many of my teenagers ask each week at our Bible studies. Pray for healing of each lonely teenager in Church Hill, pray that they would know Jesus as their one true love, their Heavenly Father, and pray this generation would be different - sex would be guarded as precious in marriage, our bodies would be used to glorify God, and our worth would only come from God alone.

*names have been changed to protect my dear girls.

Pushing Back On More

If only I had more time, if only I had more money, if only I lost more weight. I catch myself thinking "if only" phrases much too often. But lately, as I have been more conscience of my failure to be satisfied with what I have and where I am in life, I have begun to push back on desiring anything more than what I have. I heard today that our society and generation is being marked by quick fixes and immediate gratification. Our society wants everything fast and has believed that we "can have it all" with no sacrifices. Well, that just is not true and I want to continue to mature in my belief that I do not want it all. I want to want exactly what I have now and enjoy each drop of joy that comes. In fact, I really love my life. Yes, today I did get peed on by my 14 month old but in general life is great. I can work from home when he naps, I get to play on a volleyball team, relax at home with my son while he plays, and well, let's face it, write this blog. And, not that I want my life to always be comfortable or easy for I would not characterize it as such since I live in the inner city of Richmond and work for a ministry here that faces the harsh realities of the urban poor (not to mention raise my son!) but I would like a simplicity about it that is dunked so deeply in satisfaction for exactly where God has me now. It is easy to see that now. I have a one year old, a great little house to care for, and a very appreciative husband. But, that could all change quickly....more children, more demands in the neighborhood, more home to care for if we ever move, more, more, more. I want to be able to resist that temptation for something new to always be happening. How do I balance that with my desire for growth, education in new areas, and improvement? As I go, friends, please help me to resist the "if onlys" and remember the belly laughs of my son, the quiet hours when he naps, and the fun nights out with my husband, even if they are watching a movie on our laptop in the backyard to save money.

Invitation to Generosity

As my fourth year with CHAT begins this month, I am amazed by all that God has done in Church Hill. It is easy to be overwhelmed with the crime reports, the failings of some participants, and the apathy of neighborhood residents. But, when I focus on the miracle of some of the CHAT participants, I am in awe. Essence, Monique and Imani have proved the power of God through their transformative lives.

Essence (pictured right with Monique and Imani) has been in my Bible study for three years now. She was a part of the first graduating class of Church Hill Academy and started community college. Her life was one of hardship – abusive families, foster care and group homes. But, she was adopted by Percy and Angie Strickland, the founders of CHAT, participated in CHAT, and has become a beautiful woman of God who excels not only in academics but is committed to being a good friend and leading others to Christ. She has grown in the Lord and even now, encourages me and teaches me truths of God.

Monique graduated and started college with Essence this fall as well. Monique hopes to be an accountant and is paying for her college through a work study program set up by CHAT so that she can stay connected to the CHAT community while receiving funds for her tuition and books.

While Imani was scheduled to graduate, she needs one more class and I will be teaching her individually this fall to finish. She did however get a job at a local childcare center and got an apartment of her own in the community.

These are the girls that I first met when coming to CHAT over 5 years ago and have watched grow into women who trust God and desire a better life. These are the leaders that we hope to raise up through CHAT – not through a certain program but through committed relationships, opening our home, and genuine love. If you are able to partner with me in God’s plan for Richmond’s inner city, please consider becoming a financial donor. Your support would allow me to offer loving, sustainable relationships that, through Christ, will change lives, the Church Hill community, and Richmond city for generations.

As a new year starts, if you are able to give, please mail donations to CHAT at 601 North 31^st Street, Richmond, VA 23223. I will be continuing on part time with CHAT with a goal of $15,000 for the next year. To learn more about CHAT, visit www.chatrichmond.org. Thank you!

Back to the Basics

Even though our home is without a television, the internet, specifically www.hulu.com has enabled my reality television guilty pleasure to continue. I am fascinated by The Biggest Loser and have always loved design and makeover shows. Even as a young child, Trading Spaces, an old TLC show captivated me during breakfast after Swim Team in the summers. There are not as many shows available since it is summer and with a one year old, there is not exactly time to watch marathons of FOX. But, Henry was sick a few weeks back and all he wanted to do was sleep on me while I sat on the couch. To pass the time, I searched Hulu for a show to watch. "Hell's Kitchen" showed up as a "show I might like," as the website helps introduce you to new shows based on what you have previously watched. At first, the cheesy intro and the cursing of the host, Gordon Ramsay, turned me off from the show. But, it was about cooking and that I loved. With not much else to watch and a very sick baby, I gave in and watched three seasons in one week. Gordon Ramsay is an extraordinary chef with many successful restuarants. In a new show, called "Master Chef," he allows amateur home chefs to compete for $250,000 and their own cookbook. There were many stay at home moms but also construction workers, lawyers, doctors, and college students competing. I thought to myself for a minute...maybe I could do that. I have catered events, cooked for my family, and I love reading recipes. I am adventurous in the kitchen and have a basic knowlege of food, I told myself. Then their second challenge threw me for a loop. It was basic - chop onions. Make one bowl of sliced onions and one bowl of chopped. Simple? Yes. Terrifying? Yes. I know I chop onions incorrectly because I cry every time. I realized that learning some basic technique would be good for me, probably good for all of us. Here is Chef Ramsay's youtube video on "How to Chop an Onion" if you want to learn.

Happy Chopping!

Keeping House

A friend, who I deeply admire, asked me for advice on “keeping a home.” She has run a successful business, is married, and now raising two beautiful children. There are so many things that I admire about her – her food philosophy, her kindness and patience with her children, her passion for sharing everything she learns – so I was honored when she asked me for advice. I do, though, enjoy a clean home. Growing up in the south, we still had hired help to assist my mother in keeping our home given its size and her busy schedule. My brother and I always had to pick up before Esther came to clean. I did not understand that until I was married and cared for my own home. There is a certain level of “pick up” that must happen before any deep cleaning can take place. I think the “pick up” phase of cleaning is what my friend admires about my home. I will admit, I am not that great of a deep cleaner. I loathe cleaning bathrooms and have only made it around the baseboards twice this year. But, neatness and order are high values of mine when managing a home. Managing is the key word here and what I shared with my friend. It is a daily commitment to keep your home refreshing for you and available for anyone who might enter. Now, this does not mean I am cleaning and picking up every room all the time just for remote idea that someone will walk through the door and judge my home management skills. It is for me, for my family, and for my desire to always have a welcoming home. When my son is done playing and it is time for a nap, we clean up together. When dinner is over and it is finally time to relax, well, I wash the dishes and tidy the kitchen, mostly because for me, it is so refreshing to walk into a clean kitchen come the morning. It is the exact moment that you don’t feel like making the bed, putting the dishes away, or picking up toys that I suggest that you do it.

International Midwife Day

Today is International Midwife Day (as well as Cinco de Mayo) but I am chosing to celebrate the first by sharing my birth story. My midwife Leslie changed the way to view pregnancy, labor, and pursing joy in caring for my son. If you are not as familiar, a midwife is a provider that offers care to childbearing women during their pregnancy, labor and birth, and during the postpartum period. They assist women to realize the capabilities of their own bodies and limit unnecessary interventions. Midwifery is very common around the globe. Over 74% of births are attended by midwifes in Europe and Asia while only 4% of births in the United States are attended by midwives. There are many reasons to use a midwife - lower ceasaran rates, healthier babies and mothers, and in fact, it is cheaper. Here are some other great facts to consider:

United States Birth Statistics Compiled by Marsden Wagner, MD, Consultant for World Health Organization 2001

1. Percent of countries providing universal prenatal care that have lower infant mortality rates than the US: 100%
2. Percent of US births attended by midwives: 4%
3. Percent of European births attended by midwives: 75% 4. Number of European countries (Great Britain, France, Germany, Netherlands, Belgium, Denmark, Sweden Norway, and Finland – all with over 75% of midwife-attended births) with higher perinatal mortality rates than the US: 0
5. Average cost of a midwife-attended birth in the US: $1200
6. Average cost of physician-attended birth in the US: $4200
7. Health care cost savings if midwifery care were utilized for 75% of US births: $8.5/billion/ year.
8. Health care cost savings by bringing US cesarean section rate into compliance with WHO recommendations: $1.5 billion/year.
9. Health care cost savings by extending midwifery care and demedicalizing births in the US: $13-20 billion/year United States Birth

I went to see a midwife for the care and trust. I recieved exactly what I needed from Leslie during my birth. This is the short and sweet version of my birth story. I started having contractions Monday night July 13th at about 1 hour apart but I remembered that that stage of labor can last a long time, even days, so I tried to stay calm. However, I just had a feeling that these weren't going away. Tuesday, I went to lunch with some friends and tried to finish my thank you notes (it was a goal of mine to have them finished before Henry arrived). I was trying to live "normal life" even though I was having contractions. By the time Jeremiah got home from work, I told him I thought we should start paying more attention. They became regular and about 7 minutes apart. As the night progressed we realized that this was going to really happen tonight. We called our doula (who was the backup to our scheduled doula) and she arrived around 10:45pm. Thanks to her, we were able to continue laboring at home until 2am when we all decided it was time to head to the hospital. At this point, the contractions were about 2 minutes apart. When we arrived at the hospital, I was 5 cm. dilated and completed effaced so we all thought this was not going to take much longer. However, I continued to labor (with complete back labor and intense pain on the left side of my back) until around 6 in the morning when we were considering some options. My water had still not broken and I was starting to get very tired. Leslie decided to break my water in hopes that it would relieve some of the back pain and help him move down. We were also considering an epiteral since I was in so much pain and so tired. However, since we had to wait for the IV to get in my system, Leslie suggested that I get in the shower. She went to the next room to check on a patient but could hear me working through the contractions and realized that I was going through the transition stage of labor. She returned and in those 30 minutes, I had gone from 6 cm. to 10cm. and she told me to get out of the shower and prepare to push Henry out! Within 45 minutes he was born! The pushing part was my favorite. He was born at 8:34 am. on July 15th and weighed 8 lbs. 8 oz. and was 20 inches long.

To learn more about natural births and midwifery practices....

• Watch The Business of Being Born http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/
• Visit the Bradley Method of Childbirth website http://www.bradleybirth.com/
• Read Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care by Jennifer Block
• Read Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation by Pam England

Reading to Save...Money and Lives

There are staggering statistics related poverty and illiteracy. "85 percent of all juveniles who interface with the juvenile court system are functionally illiterate." Unfortunately illiteracy does not just affect juveniles. The way prisions know how many cells to have in the near future is to look at the reading levels of 4th graders. "Two-thirds of students who cannot read proficiently by the end of the 4th grade will end up in jail or on welfare." Two- thirds! That does not give much hope for those students who makes it past the 4th grade still not reading proficiently. But, we most not give up hope. It is never too late to learn to read. The process may be slow and challenging but the reward is great. Working with high school students who are at high risk of dropping out, a lack of reading skills is common. In fact, during my first year working at Church Hill Academy, an alternative school in the East End of Richmond committed to training and equipping students with the skills necessary for becoming responsible, virtuous, and articulate men and women, 7 out of my 9 students were not reading at grade level and two of them were reading at pre-primer level (Pre-K). They were 15 and 17 years old and could not read Dr. Seuss. Reading is one of the major requirements to being a successful student and citizen. There are success stories though. One of our Academy students, age 15, has improved his reading level by one grade over this past school year and numerous levels in spelling! The Academy’s reading specialist recently tested this student to see his progress. He has shown measurable progress in both areas, specifically in spelling and reading fluency and comprehension. Another student has been with the Academy for three years and increased her reading level by 4 grades. She is 19 years old and will be 20 years old when she graduates high school. According to the Washington Literacy Council, “more than three out of four of those on welfare, 85% of unwed mothers and 68% of those arrested are illiterate. About three in five of America's prison inmates are illiterate.” Literacy not only opens the mind to foreign worlds and beautiful poetry, but it can free the individual to live a life free of poverty and incarceration. It is the greatest gift. And, it is not only a gift to the person learning to read but their families and us as taxpayers. "Penal institution records show that inmates have a 16% chance of returning to prison if they receive literacy help, as opposed to 70% who receive no help. This equates to taxpayer costs of $25,000 per year per inmate and nearly double that amount for juvenile offenders." Teaching others to read or supporting that cause will literally save lives from returning to prision and save your taxpayer dollars. Support literacy effort however you can in your area.

A Cathedraled Life

You wrote no lofty poems

That critics counted art,

But with a nobler vision

You lived them in your heart.

You carved no shapeless marble

To some high soul design,

But with a finer sculpture

You shaped this soul of mine.

You built no great cathedrals

That centuries applaud;

But with a grace exquistite

Your life cathedraled God.

Thomas Fessenden wrote this poem hopefully for his mother. I wonder if my son and other future children will feel the same way about my life.

Recently, my best friend and neighbor have been considering starting a Classical Christian school for our children (when they are of age) and for the other children in our inner city neighborhood. There is currently a Classical Christian school in Richmond, called Vertias. It is however, located 20 minutes away and is quite expensive. I know that my child's education would be worth that but there are other things to consider since committing to living in Church Hill and desiring growth and change for this neighborhood as well. Is it fair that since my husband has a successful career we can afford this school? Is it fair that I have a car and am able to stay at home with my son to transport him to school and be involved during the day? What about the many families that I would be driving away from each morning as they walk to one of the public schools in our area.

Many people who are familiar with classical education (if not, check out http://www.welltrainedmind.com/classical-education/) are skeptical that this could be successful in an inner city environment even with middle class educated families supporting the movement. However, after researching, there is a school that has both low, middle, and high income students from varying ethnic backgrounds. It is called Logos Academy in York, PA (www.logosyork.com). I am going with my family and my neighbors, Beth and Chris, to visit this school in May. It was started by two moms with young children who wanted a Biblical and rigorous education for their children and for all those around them.

I struggle with the idea of starting another school. Being a part of starting Church Hill Academy, an intervention high school for our neighborhood teens, I know the committment that it takes to start something and the lasting committment that it continues to take to make it a success. After having my son, I decided to stay home with him and work from home for CHAT. How do we, as moms, reckon with caring for our families, children, and homes while wanting to help those children around us who do not have the same advantages like the option to even stay home.

But not only the time committment of starting another school is to be considered. What about pursuing greatness in the schools that are already exist? Assisting the public school teachers, teaching there, and sending our children there. There are many families in Church Hill who are committing to this model. Growing up in NC, parents were just like those families. They, along with other families, committed to the public school system. We attending K-12 in the public school system, they ran the PTA, raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for the schools, and supported their efforts in any way possible. At this point, however, that is not the education I would want for my children. The mind has a great capacity that I believe a classical education will challenge and enlighten his ability to think critically and communicate ideas. This does not lessen my desire to have a quality education, whether public or private, for my neighbors and their children. Education in general is a gift to society that I want to help open to enrich the lives of our next moms, dads, teachers, workers, and leaders.

Will my life be building a "cathedral" for the community that could last for generations or will that effort pull me away from caring for my future children and other dreams I had to pursue like going to graduate school for social work, continuing to support Church Hill Academy, and helping young mothers. It is worth it? Are they the same efforts? Is living my life "cathedraled for God" displayed in building schools, having relationships with parents and students, and educating our future? I am assured that in both the answer is yes.

Failing the Next Generation

In response to my last post, I have continued to plow the land. My son is now 9 1/2 months old and one of the joys of my life. Struggling through post-partum depression after giving birth forced my hand to raise a white flag, ask for help, and seek the widsom of others. With medication, friends, and prayer, my post-partum depression is lifting. I feel free to be the mother I always wanted to be with my son and love him with the passion I always imagined that I would.

Plowing the land in my home does not just mean my son. My husband and I have intentionally moved into Church Hill of Richmond, an inner city neighborhood, with other families to simply be neighbors and love those around us. In the years that we have lived here, our lives have been changed. We have been forced to consider our community with every decision that we make about groceries, housing, health and exercise, and most discussed - education. While my son, Henry, is not even walking, I strive to research and plan his education for his well being. I have started a school in Church Hill for the high school participants of CHAT (Church Hill Activities and Tutoring www.chatrichmond.org) and wondered if Henry would one day attend that school.

As many of us know, education is one of the greatest tools in perserving and expanding a culture. Reading is of prime importance if we are to operate as a democratic country. Education is the cornerstone to all advancement of a people, a family, and a person. This is my concern as I stare into my community's bleak educational environment. WIth three public elementary schools in our neighborhood, there would seem to be many options. However, those schools are zoned for 5 out of the 7 housing projects in the city of Richmond. With little parental involvment, low expectations, and lack of preparation, the schools are failing. As a Christian and a lover of this community, I desire to see the education of my son and neighbors to be excellent not only for the sake of knowledge but to know the One who gives all knowledge.

As John Piper wrote....

The issue of earning a living is not nearly so important as whether the next generation has direct access to the meaning of the Word of God. We need an education that puts the highest premium under God on knowing the meaning of God’s Book, and growing in the abilities that will unlock its riches for a lifetime.

Currently, the environment of education in the East End of Richmond is failing our next generation. I want to take responsibility for that and be a part of the movement of change.

When You Want to Run

It always seems easiest to run. To run from what we are afraid of or to run to what we love. Let's not move slowly towards those things...lets run! I wanted to run and even today I thought of running. But, how do you run from yourself? From your life?

Somehow I think that if I start running it will take me to a new place where what I am running from no longer exist. But, that just isn't the case. There is only so far you can go. In fact, the furthest place you can come still has reminants of home, reminants of those things I so desparately wanted to run from. But, the truth is that I did not run. Luckily, there are usually people or your own desire for self-preservation that makes us remain and walk slowly until we realize that running can wait.

My favorite constellation is Pleiades. Pleiades is a summer constellation that displays the seven female children of Atlas, a Titan who held up the sky, and the oceanid Pleione, the protectress of sailing. Usually the naked human eye can only see six of the sisters during the summer months. The Greek poet Hesiod mentions the Pleiades several times in his Works and Days. As the Pleiades are primarily summer stars, they feature prominently in the ancient agricultural calendar. Here is a bit of advice from Hesiod:

"And if longing seizes you for sailing the stormy seas,

when the Pleiades flee mighty Orion

and plunge into the misty deep

and all the gusty winds are raging,

then do not keep your ship on the wine-dark sea

but, as I bid you, remember to work the land."

Longing had seized me to sail the stormy seas. I wanted to plunge. I wanted to flee. My route would have been taken in a car and I somehow thought I could leave the stormy seas behind. But, I took Hesiod's advice and kept my ship on land and decided to work the land. Working the land, my land - my family, my marriage, my mind - is scary. It is hard and it sometimes seems appealing to plunge into some other life. But, this is the land that God has given. He has given me a newborn son, a foster child who is in the hospital, and a husband who does all he can to be perfect for us all. My mind is full, my heart is heavy, and right now, the land is hard to work. But, I fall to the mercy of my Lord and beg him to show me how to work my land again.

Working Women July 10, 2006

As a college intern working for CHAT this summer, I have been assigned a high school intern who is also hired by CHAT. While they do not raise their financial support individually, their salary comes from the CHAT budget as well. They are required to meet with the college interns on a regular basis, do one hour of school work a day, complete a bible study, attend life skills classes that we teach, assist with the tutoring program, and pretty much just be our sidekicks for the summer. Imani Clark is my high school intern partner. She is 15 and going to be a freshman in high school starting in the fall. While the list of responsibilities seems quite structured, our times together have been quite a challenge to complete assignments, find a strong work ethic and understand her responsibilities as a leader within the Church Hill community. While I was incredibly frustrated the first few weeks with her lack of homework completion, her little capacity of follow directions, and her immature attitude towards sacrificing her comforts to be a part of the workings of CHAT, remembering a recent book I have read helped me to understand why it was so difficult for Imani to get on board with having a job and fulfilling the responsibilities that come along with that.

In William Wilson’s book entitled When Work Disappears, he explains the terrible cycle of little to no routine, poor work ethic, laziness, boredom that arises with joblessness. Without a job, there is no motivation for most of the day, there the little to no management of time, goals are lost, schedules are forgone, and the system of routine is forgotten. If this is the case with many of the mothers or grandmothers that are raising the children of Church Hill, there is no picture of what work is like. Unlike me, Imani does not have a picture of dad getting up with the sun, eating breakfast, reading the Bible, and heading off to work only to arrive with the setting of the sun feeling tired yet accomplished and purposeful. Work sets a purpose into a person, gives structure, and helps to build up self worth. Unfortunately that picture is not given for most living in the inner city. Without an image of what work is like, every assignment that I would give Imani seemed like the largest task imaginable. Reading for an hour a day is an impossible chore if there is no structure to your day. Once I realized the standpoint from which she was coming, it has made it easier to help her learn what it means to be a working woman, what it means to set a daily schedule, and what it means to fulfill the responsibilities of working. It is sad to know the potential of so many others like Imani in the neighborhood that if given the opportunity to learn the value of work but also hopeful at the alterations Imani can make on the generations soon to come after her.

I See Everyone the Same July 2, 2006

“I see everyone the same. In fact, everyone should just be purple in my eyes.” Yes, those were words that have come out of my mouth. Growing up in a racially divided yet diverse area seeing everyone “the same,” was given a hand clap and seen as the greatest form of acceptance and love of Christ. However, as my journey of racial reconciliation continues and my study of sociology grows, I am quickly being humbled by God that “seeing everyone the same” is not, in fact, at all how God sees each of his children. The reality hit home when at our City Vision Group today, Carolyn, who was leading the group on racial reconciliation in the city of Richmond, asked a follow up question to the statement of seeing everyone the same. She asked, “you see everyone the same as who?” The answer to that question is that we see everyone the same as us. As a white, upper middle class, southern female, that is my standard of measurement. I would expect everyone to live up to those mores and codes of culture in order to ever truly be like me. In my heart, I believe I want people to be like me. That would make this world easy. But only easy for me.

In fact, the term being “color blind” even reached popularity and continues to plague the way many people think of race relations. “If we could just get past race and start to see more than that about a person, we would be better off,” “I don’t see color when I see a person,” and “why cant we all just get along,” are all phrases that I have heard and said when thinking of race relations and how God wants us to handle this broken aspect of the fallen world. Carolyn even pointed out a song by Michael W. Smith, a christian recording artist, who sang a song entitled “Color Blind.” He asks…

“Why can’t we be color blind
You know we should
Be living together
And we’d find a reason and rhyme
I know we would
’cause we could see better
If we could be color blind”

Michael W. Smith, myself, and many others I know have claimed these same thoughts. Being color blind would just solve everything. God doesn’t really see color does he? Aren’t we all the same in his eyes? If that is how God sees us, then shouldn’t we look at other people the same way? Isn’t that what reconciliation is all about, seeing people as God sees them?

The way to start on the journey to racial reconciliation is to answer some of those questions posed above. A question that encompasses most of those thoughts and ideas is “what color will we be in Heaven?” Percy asked many of the CHAT kids, who are all black, that same question along with many others to create a racial reconciliation video tipping the edge of this major issue. When asked what color they would be in Heaven, some responded white, some black, one said brown. Do you think you will be the same color in Heaven? How would you feel beleiving that you would be changed into another race in Heaven?

“So, are there different races in Heaven?” one City Vision participant asked after watching the video. Revelation 7:9-10 answers that question…

^“9After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. ¹⁰And they cried out in a loud voice: Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb."

Every nation, tribe, people and language are standing before our God. What a picture of Heaven we are given in Revelation! Therefore, our motivation on earth should be to make that picture of Heaven a reality. In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus taught the disciples to pray saying “your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” We, as God’s disciples, should bring His kingdom here to earth.

So how does that happen? How I bring the kingdom of Heaven onto earth regarding racial reconciliation and the multiethnic culture that God sees as so valuable. This can only be done by God’s love grace. Carolyn pointed out that in 2 Corinthians 5 Paul explained one part of creating Heaven on earth through the message of reconciliation:

^“14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. ¹⁵And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. ¹⁶So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. ¹⁷Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! ¹⁸All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: ¹⁹that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. ²¹God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

But this message of reconciliation is hard. As I talk to a friend of mine from home, we talk about how we hate the city and would rather live in the wide open spaces of the country. I have had a house picked out on the county line since I was 10 years old. It is a beautiful white house in a wide open space with a lake and a front porch. What more could any good North Carolinian ask for? And as much as I prayed to God for that house on the county line, I also prayed to God to be a part of His will on this earth. Part of his will is serving the poor, reconciling people to Him, and loving my neighbor. That is what reconciliation means. It means stepping outside of what is comfortable, giving up what I thought I wanted, and intentionally forming relationships that serve our loving and powerful God.

Is that easy? No, it is not easy. But are we as Christians suppose to go after what is easy. Take a look at the major players in the Bible. Did they go after easy? Did God call them to walk to easiest route, to fight the easiest battles, or teach the easiest lessons? No. God called his follows to take risks, to challenge society, to love regardless, to take up our cross and follow him. That means as followers of Christ we should be a part of righting the wrong of race relations in America. It means moving to places where we are the minority and loving those around us. It means using our money for serve others. It means making the gospel a reality. That is what reconciliation is about. That is what Christ is about. It may not be easy but we are Christians should not be about what is easy but be about bring the kingdom of Heaven to earth despite the cost.

The New City June 25, 2006

During our City Vision Group meeting today, Cory focused on the city. He entitled it “An Urban Journey from the Broken City to the New City.” Since these meetings are mostly geared towards people who live outside of Richmond city limits, I was interested to see how this discussion was going to go. By starting the study with the idea of the broken city, we looked at the very first city; Enoch was started by Cain, a murderer. The second city Babel tried to build a tower so high that they could reach heaven to make a name for itself. As one woman pointed out, as she was growing up, these were the passages used to support the idea that Christians should not be in the cities. They were places of sin and immorality.

However, the Bible also paints a glorious picture of the redeemed city. Numbers 35 describes the cities as a place of justice where a fair trial can occur. Psalm 107 reminds us that as the people cried out to the Lord when they were hungry, thirsty, and tired that the Lord “delivered them in their distress…[and] He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle.” Other passages in Numbers explain how the cities were the cultural and commercial centers. And most importantly, Psalm 122, a song of ascent, shows how Jerusalem is a place of worship and faith.

Psalms 122: I was glad when they said to me, "Let us go to the house of the LORD!" ² Our feet have been standing within your gates, O Jerusalem! ³ Jerusalem, built as a city which is bound firmly together, ⁴ to which the tribes go up, the tribes of the LORD, as was decreed for Israel, to give thanks to the name of the LORD. ⁵ There thrones for judgment were set, the thrones of the house of David. ⁶ Pray for the peace of Jerusalem! "May they prosper who love you! ⁷ Peace be within your walls, and security within your towers!" ⁸ For my brethren and companions' sake I will say, "Peace be within you!" ⁹ For the sake of the house of the LORD our God, I will seek your good.

Here, a new picture of what cities are like is painted for Christians. The city is the place of refuge, a place of culture, a place of commercialism, and a place of worship. It is where the temple was located. Great city walls were built as a protection around the city. To be inside those city walls was an assurance of peace, protection, and hope for prosperity. Having been to Israel, a clear idea of the power of those city walls is vivid in my mind. Riding up to the city of Jerusalem, reading the songs of ascent, and feeling the awesome power of the city on the hill was and still is overwhelming. There was power there. There was hope there. And having had the opportunity to walk to the city walls of the Old City in Jerusalem, I can see why people wanted to be within those walls.

But just like Jerusalem could never be the city that God intended it to be, cities today cannot seem to illustrate the redeemed cities God described throughout scripture. It is always hard when my grandmother comes to visit me in Richmond. She remembers coming here as young women with her husband and going out to the theater on Broad, shopping at Miller & Rhodes, and spending the night at the John Marshall Hotel. The city of Richmond was thriving with activity in the city. Now though, when she sees those dilapidated buildings, the harsh reality of the changing city is even more apparent to her. It saddens her to see such a change happen to what she describes “a vibrant, fun city.”

What happens over the years? How do these buildings become abandoned? How do the theaters, shops, and hotels move out into the suburbs? A lot of it has to do with economics, housing, and finances. Where the money lives, there the businesses go as well. With the white flight into the suburbs, the changing economy to be strongly service based, and the largest amounts of wealth residing outside of the city, little investment is being made inside the city walls. This is exactly the opposite of what is painted in the Bible as the redeemed city. The city now leaves people without refuge, without justice, without cultural and commercial development, and without places of worship that actually serve the community around it.

So what do we do? What is our responsibility as Christians to make the cities around the country resemble the cities of the Bible God used to honor him? We invest. Let me clarify because investment means more than spending money. We invest in people, we invest in businesses in the city, we invest in the criminal justice system, we invest in the school board. We invest in the churches serving the inner cities, we invest in historic restoration projects, and we invest in making this world look like heaven. Revelation 11: 15 explains that at the end of time “the kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ and he will reign for ever and ever.” I think it is time we started making the kingdom of this world more resembling of the kingdom of our Lord quickly.

I use the word quickly with hesitation though. While there is urgency to spread the gospel, heal the broken hearted, tend to the widowed, we must not, as Christians, ever been looking for a quick fix for our friends, our family, our schools, and especially our cities. I find it an easy trap to enter when people from the outside, myself included, enter the city claiming to have all the answers. I call those people the suburban superheroes. They are the people who grew up jaded by the declining inner city and moved the newly constructed suburbs nearly 50 years ago. This suburban super hero though is not in the mix of a changing culture where my generation is focusing on enacting the justice to the cities that has been lost for years. So what is the suburban superhero’s place in this justice movement? For them, they see their middle to upper middle class professionalism as the answer the city’s hopes. Put some money here, create a program there, and pray for “those people” to come to know Jesus and bam, problem solved. Wrong. No matter what color the suburban superhero makes his or her cape, they cannot be Richmond’s savior. Batman, Superman, Spiderman – they were all created. They are not real. Superheroes do not exist. There is one savior, one person who can save us and one person who can make us into a new creation. That person is Jesus and if we ever lose sight of that, we will only be strange fat white people wearing capes.

So plead with God to help you learn how to invest correctly. It might mean giving of your time, your energy, or your money. If we are to be truly effective in creating a city that resembles God’s idea of a redeemed city, it will most likely mean investing our lives. It will mean taking in a teenager who is pregnant and has no where to live. It will mean “adopting” recently released inmate and helping them start a new life. It will mean intentionally forming relationships with people who are not like you. It will mean walking out the gospel every day. And even then, we do not receive capes or a superhero status. We do however receive a welcoming into the family of God.

Let the Children Come June 22, 2006

“Let the children come” are the word Jesus spoke the disciples as children ran eagerly to greet him. The disciples were hesitant for Jesus to spend time with the children most likely because the disciples saw the children as a waste of time. Jesus could have been spending time healing the sick, feeding the poor, or preaching to the thousands. But at that moment, he chose something different. This decision was obviously a meaningful one since it is recorded in almost all of the gospels. A decision that I think we should pay attention to in today’s society.

After working with CHAT this summer, I can clearly picture what it must have been like to have kids running up to greet Jesus. While we are not the Savior himself, each Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or any other day that we hold an event, children of the neighborhood run, even sprint, to Percy’s house. With arms wide open Manny charges the front porch where I am waiting for their arrival. Marquetta and Cha’deshia come from down the street with expectant looks on their faces waiting for my greeting of “hey beautiful girls” that they have anticipated so greatly that they now join me in saying it. Ebonie approaches the steps with bright eyes and eager heart.

This excited spirit and anticipatory heart is anxious. But anxious for what? The kids of CHAT are anxious for the same things the children who ran to Jesus were hoping for – they are hoping for love. It is the greatest thing that I can give them. Manny grips my hips like I am leaving for a month vacation. Cha’deshia immediately uses my lap and her couch and Ebonie and Marquetta start working on my hair. Jesus touched the children, laid hands upon them, and prayed for them. He blessed them as people and validated their existence. That is just what we are called to do as well. Each follower of Jesus - no matter what part of the country that they live in - is called to validate the people around them. this might mean making eye contact with a stranger, saying hello to the people that you pass on the street, or reaffirming on of the kids that they too have something to offer society. It is time that the children are allowed to come. It is time that they are cared for, that they are seen as vessels of faith, and that they are validated are priceless.

From the Inside Out June 20, 2006

It is an old adage that change must come from within. Whether a person is trying to change a bad habit or an entire community is the motivation must come from within. The same is true for any social movement. The body desiring motion must create or sustain the movement themselves. Otherwise, an external motivation will eventually lack the sustainability for a lasting difference. CHAT is using this social knowledge to effectively complete community development.

While CHAT was started by Percy and Angie and has a board of twelve members, the real hope is that members of the Church Hill community will play the largest role in serving Church Hill. That is why most of the board members have decided to live in Church Hill and actively participate in “being neighbors.” However, even more than being neighbors, indigenous leaders must rise to the occasion to create change in Church Hill. That is just what is occurring this summer. CHAT has not only hired four college interns to play an integral part of what CHAT attempts to accomplish but has also hired four high school interns called “street leaders” to help CHAT this summer as well. They have each participated in CHAT for several years and shown capabilities to become effective leaders.

It is so powerful to me to see Rashad, Stuart, Imani, and Monique’s personalities and envision their capabilities in the future to creatively, effectively, and passionately change Church Hill. As we were riding to a VBS training meeting, the four of them pleaded with Gordon to play one of their favorite songs. It is a song done by Twista and Faith Evans that is incredibly inspiring especially to see the four high school interns raised in Church Hill who are now working for community development of their own neighborhood to be singing. In verse 1 Twista raps…

We will never break, though they devastate, we shall motivate,
And we gotta pray, all we got is faith.
Instead of thinking about who gonna die to day,
The Lord is gonna help you feel better, so you ain't gotta cry today.
Sit at the light so long,
And then we gotta move straight forward, cuz we fight so strong,
So when right go wrong,
Just say a little prayer, get ya money man, life go on!!!
Let's HOPE!

It is their eye for the area, the relationship with the people, and their drive for their land that will make them amazing community developers of this area this summer and for the rest of their life.

Faith Evans continues the song with these lines…

Cuz I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today,
Take this music and use it
Let it take you away,
And be hopeful (hopeful) and he'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but that's okay.
cause we hopeful

It is that hope that these four embody. They are the hope for this area and for other areas like Church Hill. It is so easy to come into this summer thinking that since I have worked on some community development projects in the past, faced race struggles, and studied sociology that I have the answers to what this community needs. But studies after studies have shown the true power of indigenous leaders. They are the ones able to radically shift an area or community. It is through people like these high school interns that change can happen. They embody the hope of community development and as they sang this song over and over it was as if they were speaking truth over themselves and Church Hill without them even being aware of their own doing. I am so looking forward to see the ideas, hopes, and dreams of the four street leaders this summer and in the years to come.

Father’s Day on the Hill June 18, 2006

If I think back to how my family spends Father’s Day, or any holiday really, I have very vivid memories. My mom has decorations for just about every holiday and a family gathering is always necessary. Usually for Father’s Day, my dad likes us to wake up on Sundays, head to my grandparents for breakfast, get ready for church and head there together. After church, we go out to lunch and then usually play tennis or go on a walk together. This year, since I am in Richmond, my parents came up Saturday to spend the day in Church Hill, take a tour of the area, and treat me to dinner.

However, Father’s Day in Church Hill does not exactly resemble the same activities that I was used to on this holiday. While we did have a cookout after church with some visiting family of friends in the neighborhood and with the CHAT kids, there was not much talk of Father’s Day at all. In fact, during the church service, on CHAT participant named Tamia started to cry. As tears ran down her cheek, she explained to me that she had never spent Father’s Day with her dad. Tamia is not unusual with her situation. Out of the 40 + children that come to CHAT activities, there are only two that have two parent homes, one of those dads being a step-father. So here, Father’s Day is a bitter remembrance of something that they don’t have to celebrate. Tamia is young and still processing her emotions regarding her father, which I found to be a normal reaction to the constant reminder of an absent father figure. There is a difference for some of the older children though. Their reaction to the lack of their father’s presence did not seem sad or even bitter at all. Their speech was very matter of fact. Clarissa bluntly told me when asked her father lived here bluntly responded, “No, he was shot in the head when I was eleven.” That was that. “Do you miss him?” I asked. “No,” was her response as if I asked her if she wanted ketchup on her hot dog.

And while it is sad that most of the families here in Church Hill do not celebrate Father’s Day in a way that increases the Hallmark sales, this creates a powerful chance to help each of the children understand and important aspect of the character of God. During Sunday school, we tried to teach on the father heart of God. Reading various scriptures opened up the door for each child to see how God wants to be their father. He is the father that created them for a purpose, predestined their important life, and wants to lavish them with love. The Psalm 68:5 tell us that God is “a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows” and the book of Isaiah makes it clear that the Lord is our Father that “we are the clay and [he] is the potter; we are the all the work of [his] hand.” Even more, Paul’s letter to the Ephesians explains that God “in love predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will- to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”

It would never be my prayer that a child is without a father to love and care for them on this earth. Unfortunately this is the reality that many of the kids live with everyday, I think, without an understanding of what is missing in their life. However, that absence of love and adoration from a father figure can lead to potentially harmful behavior in adolescence and all throughout life. However, if we can help each child understand how God can be their father and completely love and care for them, I think God will be pleased.

The Lord is About the Business of Winning Battles June 12, 2006

It may come to no surprise that for many of the children that we work with daily are fighting a battle. The battle is to make it through school, make it to tutoring twice a week, or simply make it down the street. But who are the armed men fighting these battles? Should a nine year old really be in charge of fighting her own battle? Is she really ready for the front lines? In other countries where child soldiers are present, the evening news onlookers gasp at the atrocity of having a child fight in their own country’s battle. However, around here, there are child soldiers. While the weapons are not always similar to machine guns, it is still a battle nonetheless.

The answer is the church. The church is the troop of soldiers who should be fighting these battles. The people of the church have been given the power of the Holy Spirit within them to enact change, give people the good news, and provide every need that is seen and unseen. This power is the same power which created the world, parted the red sea, turned water into wine, and raised Christ from the dead. That is an incredible power living inside of me that I can imagine to you, the reader, is overwhelming as well. But this is the power we are equipped with to fight the battles at hand. As children starve for healthy food, wander the streets for a place to live, struggle to pay rent without the thought of homeownership, and press through the darkness looming in the projects the church sometimes forgets the power that it as.

However, Sunday night and this morning I saw perfect representations of the fighting that needs to take place by believers in Christ Jesus. Last night we met with group of people who have a heart for the city of Richmond and live in the east end. This group called East End Fellowship is filled with people from all walks of life who are willing to press through the darkness with the power of light that created their passion for the area to see change. Gathering once a month in someone’s home, prayers, praise stories, confessions, and struggles are all shared. One man stepped up and offer to buy another house to be sold to a family in need to help on the road to home ownership and another man asked for our help in his campaign to run for the local school board to bring the justice of Christ to that area. Teachers, pastors, mothers, fathers, young couples, and us, the four college interns worshipped and prayed that the Lord would take his hand over this land of Church Hill and make it completely His. This group, through fellowship and commitment to the area are fighting for the city and fighting for each people living in Church Hill. Moses explained to the Israelites that “The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.” Exodus 14:14. He was assured by God of his power and that his spirit would reign over that land just as it is here in Church Hill. We are part of God’s army. It is time that we start fighting with the belief of the power that Christ died to give us here on this earth.

This morning also helped me to understand what this fight looks like. Tamon, a neighborhood middle schooler who has been living with Percy and Angie for the past year and a half has recently left their house, gotten into some trouble, and been put in juvenile detention. With a passion for Tamon and for the hearts of the children in this area, Percy and Angie became about the business of fighting for his soul. Dressed to impressed, both attended his arrangement with the hope of Tamon returning home with them in the afternoon. However, choosing to continue to rebel, Tamon has been placed with his grandmother who seems unfit to care for him. The passion that ran inside Percy and Angie painted a picture of what this battle lines are like. They were soldiers yesterday and would have done anything for their spiritual child. Just like God called out to Adam in the garden and asked “Where are you?” Percy and Angie called out to Tamon. But like Adam, who was afraid, I imagine Tamon was afraid of what God and his “parents” would think. But God told us we could approach the thrown with confidence and without condemnation. That is just what Percy and Angie would have down. It would have been like the prodigal son returning home with the best robe and best feast awaiting his return.

Can I be like Percy and Angie? Can the church begin to be about the business of fighting battles? What weapons do you have to use to enter combat? God has given us his Holy Spirit and we are each equipped with skills and gifts to search out the needs of those around us, fight for righteousness, and welcome home the lost.