A Harsh Reality

"The harsh realities of the inner city" is a phrase I use alot to describe what living in Church Hill is like and what my kids (CHAT kids/teenagers who become our family too) have to deal with. They are moving every year, family members are entering jail and parents are addicted to drugs. But, a harsh reality that many of my teenagers deal with is sheer terror and loniness. They are broken by their circumstances and feel trapped that there is no where or no one to turned to.

A somewhat newer participant of CHAT, Tanisha*, has felt that harsh reality of being so afraid of her potential circumstances that she was paralyzed to call out for help. Being 17 and the only one of her 7 siblings to make it to her junior year of high school, she felt the pressure of possibly not being able to finish. Waking up sick every morning, missing her period, and being incredibly tired made her think she was pregnant. She was terrified of the outcome. When I found out of her possible situation, I offered that we hang out for a few hours yesterday. We headed to Chick-fil-A and as she pushed her food around the tray, I asked her if she was OK. I quick "yes" and a turn of the head made me realize she of course, was not OK. I admitted to her that a friend of hers had shared her concern for being pregnant and that I was here to help. "I can't be, I can't be" Tanisha repeated over and over again.

And as tears fell down her face, I realized how deeply scared she was. Not just for her life plans going up in smoke but actual fear of something else. When I pushed further about what she was so afraid of, she admitted that the guy she was previously seeing and the possible father of the baby had ordered her to "take care of it and if she did not he would come over and beat the f**k out of her." When she explained to her that she would not "take care of it," he promised that he would "have his people surely take care of it for her." But, there was more than just fear on her face. Shame pervaded her demeanour of slouched shoulders and fallen face. As we tried to make a timeline of last period, when sex occurred, and when the nausea began, Tanisha described her sexual encounter. Even though protection through a condom was agreed upon to be used, the guy removed it half way through and would not put another one on. Tanisha allowed sex to continue. But, her demeanour showed me she did not even know she had the ability to stop it. What is going on that a seventeen year old girl feels she has no voice to say no, to demand respect, and to be heard. Is it the music that calls for sexuality at all times or the images of girls on television to demote us as only sexual bodies to be used by anyone at their pleasure. Of course, no one would call this rape but the anger whelping inside my heart suggested otherwise. Our society is rapping our teenagers. Tanisha consented to sex continuing but why? Was she so desperate for love and affection that she would allow a boy she was only "talking to" continue to use her only for his pleasure. What is missing? Where is her affection elsewhere that would compensate for this? She is a smart, beautiful and kind teenager who felt not only afraid of her pregnancy test outcome but afraid she would lose what little affection she was given. Our teenagers are growing up with no father to tell them they are beautiful, they are loved and they can wait for their husbands. If you have no father, you have no picture of waiting for a husband. What is that? My mother has no husband - only men that come and go as they please to make sure their needs are met.

There has to be a change, a drastic shift in society that reminds us of our value to God and to each other. That we are beautiful because He created us and our affections are only for Him. But, what inner city girl who has possibly never met their own father or who was abused by him, what to give their entire life over to a heavenly Father. How can they be so different? Many of my teenagers ask each week at our Bible studies. Pray for healing of each lonely teenager in Church Hill, pray that they would know Jesus as their one true love, their Heavenly Father, and pray this generation would be different - sex would be guarded as precious in marriage, our bodies would be used to glorify God, and our worth would only come from God alone.

*names have been changed to protect my dear girls.