Thanks to some dear friends, I was directed to a local midwife for my pre-natal care. I entered a program at her office called "Centering" which allowed for group pre-natal care. At each appointment, I would not only meet with the midwife but seven other pregnat women who were due around my due date. It gave us a chance to feel supported and normal during a very transitional time as we all prepared for our first baby. In addition to Centering, my husband and I attending The Bradley Method of Childbirth education classes. These classes lasted over an 12 weeks and encouraged us to have a natural, husband-assisted labor and delivery.
I started having contractions Monday night July 13th at about 1 hour apart but I remembered that that stage of labor can last a long time, even days, so I tried to stay calm. Tuesday, I went to lunch with some friends and tried to finish my thank you notes (it was a goal of mine to have them finished before Henry arrived). I was trying to live "normal life" even though I was having contractions. By the time Jeremiah got home from work, I told him I thought we should start paying more attention. They became regular and about 7 minutes apart. As the night progressed we realized that this was going to really happen tonight. We called our doula (who was the backup to our scheduled doula) and she arrived around 10:45pm. Thanks to her, we were able to continue laboring at home until 2am when we all decided it was time to head to the hospital. At this point, the contractions were about 2 minutes apart. When we arrived at the hospital, I was 5 cm. dilated and completed effaced so we all thought this was not going to take much longer. However, I continued to labor (with complete back labor and intense pain on the left side of my back) until around 6 in the morning when we were considering some options. My water had still not broken and I was starting to get very tired. Leslie decided to break my water in hopes that it would relieve some of the back pain and help him move down. We were also considering an epiteral since I was in so much pain and so tired. However, since we had to wait , Leslie suggested that I get in the shower. She went to the next room to check on a patient but could hear me working through the contractions and realized that I was going through transition. She returned and in those 30 minutes, I had gone from 6 cm. to 10cm. and she told me to get out of the shower and prepare to push Henry out! Within 45 minutes he was born! He was born at 8:34 am. on July 15th and weighed 8 lbs. 8 oz. and was 20 inches long.
After Henry was born, I was shock of our newest addition. I kept saying "he is real!" We breastfed right away and got to spend some time with him. Breastfeeding did not go as smoothly as we hoped as he was having trouble latching on. Once we took Henry home, we were still having trouble with breast feeding because my milk did not come in until day 6! We were stressed and did not know what to do. But, we gave him some formula for a feeding or two while I starting pumping to help my milk supply come in and tried to breastfeed often. He was a much happier baby once my milk did come in! Breast feeding though, did not get much easier. It was still taking him a long time to feed and always seemed unsatisfied after a feeding. I also did not enjoy the time and was getting frustrated with myself and just exhausted. However, so many people encouraged me to continue because it gets better after 4-6 weeks so I tried to press on.
But, I finally called Leslie to set up an appointment with her (before my 6 week check up) on the urging of Jeremiah and my good friend Beth who has a 5 month old. They could tell that I was not myself and continued to show signs of "baby blues" even at 4 weeks. I agreed with them and was ready to talk to Leslie and hopefully change something so that I felt differently about being a mom for Henry. I wanted so badly to enjoy my days with him but was still struggling to do that. I did not know if I was just tried from the feedings, the large amount of visitors that we had, or if this is just how I was going to feel. Leslie did think that I was dealing with post-pardum depression and helped me a lot to sort out the reasons why. She felt like it was mostly situational and we decided not to use medicine right away. Even after making major changes at home, medication was still needed.
It has been a long journey to become the mother I always wanted to be to Henry. Through my journey, I now have a strong desire to help women through their pregnancy, labor, and time at home with the new little one. Bodies, hearts and souls are changed as women pass through the rite of passage known as motherhood. There is nothing else like it on earth and I am blessed to have experience it and hopefully serve other women during their time. I am currently training to be a certified doula. I have recently atteneded by first birth. I am honored to serve in the process of making women mothers and welcoming new life into the world. What hope is seen!
