Softly and Tenderly, Jesus is Calling

Recently this fall, I found out I was expecting baby #5 and it flooded me with a myriad of emotions. Many of them joyous but unfortunately some of them are not as precious. Earlier tonight as I heard one of my favorite songs on the radio, Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling, I thought why come? Why come be a part of this hard and awful place. Just go be with your Heavenly Father. Certainly, not with your mother who is weeping at the kitchen counter waiting for the water to boil mac and cheese because I'm too nauseous to cook anything else and to grieved not to. Seriously, I really thought you'd be better off if I could meet you later after I set my eyes on our creator. What am I wishing for? What kind of mother am I? A crazy one, obviously. 

Here tonight I brushed my teeth and agonized over the fact that I didn't keep my own promise- be done having children by 30. Get them in school by 36. Then, finally I can stop feeling exhausted, frazzled, overweight, emotional, did I mention exhausted for a season in my life. Well, that's not going to happen. 

I saw you on that ultrasound screen- you with your fluttering little heartbeat and rounded head and feet. I saw you in me. You're living in me. I get to hold you now. And, while my present circumstances may try to tell me that having you will make my life harder, I can't thank God enough for the time I get to mother you. You will call my name so many times that I will probably scream but there is nothing so tender as that first "ma-ma" is uttered. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear your first cry, your first word, your first everything. You may be joining us at the end of our parenting journey but I can't wait to whisper to you "I'm so glad you've come." 

Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling,

Calling for you and for me;

See, on the portals He’s waiting and watching,

Watching for you and for me.

Refrain:

Come home, come home,

You who are weary, come home;

Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,

Calling, O sinner, come home!

Why should we tarry when Jesus is pleading,

Pleading for you and for me?

Why should we linger and heed not His mercies,

Mercies for you and for me?

Time is now fleeting, the moments are passing,

Passing from you and from me;

Shadows are gathering, deathbeds are coming,

Coming for you and for me.

Oh, for the wonderful love He has promised,

Promised for you and for me!

Though we have sinned, He has mercy and pardon,

Pardon for you and for me.